What should have been invented by now

It would probably get old fast you know that your dog would mainly just be like "HI. You know how in Clueless, Cher had that computer program that helped her put together her outfits? This takes that great idea a step further. This machine would use a gentle touch to dress you without forcing you awake and out of bed. Now that I type this out it sounds Yes, I wanna see movies of my dreams.

And you know you do too! It would be like having your own collection of David Lynch films to quietly weird out yourself and others. There is nothing terrible about this, especially where sexy dreams are concerned. A genuine video of me mounting Batman?

This is acceptable. I don't think there should be a tonic or a device looking at Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind which would erase all memories of someone after a break-up or whatever.

But I do think there should be some kind of medicinal tonic you can ingest to take the sting out the ending of your relationship. This tonic should be fudge-flavored. We've got a gun problem in this country. Guns are the worst. I suggest reconfiguring all guns so that instead of shooting deadly bullets, they eject giggling kitten at ones enemies. A fluffy, disarming, and adorable surprise is sure to diffuse any situation. Forget actual butlers — why have Penguins not yet been domesticated to do our bidding?

That seems crazy to me. They are cute, hilarious, and come already kitted out in formal wear. And I have motivation. I like to sit at home and do nothing. With this invention I can travel all over the world. I can even go to Easter Island. This is sort of like Teleportation E Advertising in Houses. This sounds ugly at first. An ad on a wall in your house? Maybe in a frame like a picture. Or a mirror. The ad agencies agree to subsidize part of the price of my house. It gets better. As part of this, they have software that listens to all my phone calls.

I make money while talking to my friends. My house is cheaper. F Happiness Hotspots. But forget that. Positive people uplift you, negative people bring you down. Everyone wears an earplug that takes constant scans of your brain activity. The brightest colors denote areas where the happiest people seem to be.

The darker colors denote areas where negative people are. Who cares if my friends are there or not? G 40 Percent Unemployment. The reality is, most people should not be at work. Because they are bad at it. I know maybe 10 people that are good at their jobs. This is not a criticism. And basically, robots are better. Because too many Chinese people were killing themselves in their factories. So what society really needs is 40 or 50 percent unemployment.

My solution starts off Communist but ends up libertarian. Basically, companies get incentivized to replace all humans with robots. The excess profits you get from firing people get taxed at only half the rate.

The subsidies, though, run out after three years. So you have three years from the day you are fired to start a new business. This is the way the world is going. Robots are the new middle class. The only way to make sure that your nail polish goes without chipping for days is to get your nails done at a salon, but that could get pricey, which is why someone should invent a nail polish brand that never chips.

Hopefully this invention is in the near future and our nail suffering will soon be over. There is a washer and a dryer, but I am still waiting for the day companies will have advertisements for a folding machine. How easy and less time consuming would laundry be if we had that invention right now? You never know, it might even make the whole process more enjoyable.

There is always room for improvement and new inventions. If you could have one thing invented what would it be? Let me know in the comments!